We have finally had three consecutive days that exceeded 50 degrees outside, so I think it's officially time for some serious reflection on winter before we bid it a final adieu.
Thought the first: If it's super freezing outside, there may as well be some snow to play in. Super freezing plus no snow equals sadness. There is no silver lining. It's like getting sick but still having to go to church.
Thought the second: At least there were fewer spiders.
Final thought: I for sure have finally decided that I am glad I am not a woman. When I watched my wife give birth, twice, I thought I was pretty sure then. But then I see how much more my kids like her than they do me, which makes me jealous. Not to mention all the free hospital food they give new moms. Maybe childbirth is worth it. I was still debating this possibility, when suddenly, this winter happened. It lasted an eternity. And approximately once every day, I got to experience the deeply unsatisfying experience of sitting on a cold toilet seat.
Holy cow, ladies. How do you do that a dozen times a day? I became somewhat retentive for quite awhile due to this. I threw all things fiber out the window into the frozen tundra for the sake of achieving some irregularity.
Good news is, I now know how to get rich. Heated toilet seats. Maybe they are already invented. I'm not going to Google it because if they are already invented, I will just be depressed that I don't have one. And if indeed they already are invented, why on Earth isn't there one in my house? Have they just not made it mainstream yet? If not, how is this not at the top of the priority list of every person with a bum and a toilet?
I used to think world peace could be achieved if not for spiders. Now I'm thinking warm toilet seats, along with no spiders, and no one would ever utter a violent word again. Such as, "I would kill to not have to sit here and make poopsicles every day."
Until next time, winter. Now bring on the Metamucil.
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